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Turn The Page => Literature => Topic started by: Bez on June 27, 2012, 09:52:12 AM

Title: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Bez on June 27, 2012, 09:52:12 AM
Seems to be the book of the summer...."mummy porn" according to the BBC. Apparently B&Q have completely run out of cable ties.... ::)

Anyone read it ?
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Neph on June 27, 2012, 10:47:13 AM
Every woman in my work is reading this and since I'm the only male member of staff that's a lot. If it was a bunch of men passing around a wank mag we'd be called filth merchants but, for some reason, it's acceptable for woman to pass this around. Fifty Shade Of Grey? Fifty Shades Of Filth morelike. Down with this sort of thing.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: dom on June 27, 2012, 12:16:42 PM
My wife and her entire circle of female friends seem to be speaking about nothing else at the moment.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Craig Smith on June 27, 2012, 12:48:46 PM
Mrs S. has just read this for her "book group".

She thought it was rubbish and is now reading the Hunger Games trilogy.

I just skimmed through it for the good bits.  :P
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Dixkot on June 27, 2012, 18:48:22 PM


My wife has read the 3 of them..........says they are shite, but filthy.

Go figure......
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Gandalf on June 27, 2012, 19:28:32 PM
Read 50 S of G on my Kindle whilst sunbathing in Tenerife.  Erotic and enjoyable.  Thought provoking at times - what limits would you go to in order to satisfy your partner?  I had to make use of a towel to hide my rising excitement on several occasions :)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: JonL on June 27, 2012, 21:44:22 PM
Clare's reading it now.Hoping to benefit later.  :o
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Straight Shooter on June 27, 2012, 22:20:36 PM
Quote from: dom on June 27, 2012, 12:16:42 PM
My wife and her entire circle of female friends seem to be speaking about nothing else at the moment.
In a circle did you say?.........................  :-X  ;)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Jonners on June 28, 2012, 15:50:16 PM
SPOILER ALERT

Our secretary yesterday was discussing it, and came out with the immortal phrase:-

"Its fecking shit, there's no bum sex in it"

(sorry if thats ruined the plot for anyone)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: zoony on June 28, 2012, 19:45:39 PM
Are there any pictures in it?
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Matt2112 on June 28, 2012, 20:03:25 PM
The Indie Chick borrowed it off her mate to take on holiday and ease the tedium while sunbathing over the last week.  Her verdict? 

"Awfully-written shite".

Having read a random few pages here and there, I can say it isn't even that good.

Check out the unfavourable reviews on Amazon; vastly more entertaining and more worthy of folks' time.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: dom on June 28, 2012, 20:32:58 PM
Louise thinks its very poorly written.  Anais  Nin was better apparently.  She's also worried about the amount of 16/17 year old girls who appear to be reading it and how it will give them a misleading idea of relationships.  The woman being the poor innocent having to be taught and controlled by the man.

EDIT;  She does think though that it will generate more discussion than any other book they've done at her book club.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: JonL on June 28, 2012, 21:59:09 PM
Quote from: Matt2112 on June 28, 2012, 20:03:25 PM
The Indie Chick borrowed it off her mate to take on holiday and ease the tedium while sunbathing over the last week.  Her verdict? 

"Awfully-written shite".

This year's daVinci Code then, with added rumpy.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Richard_2112 on June 28, 2012, 23:03:31 PM
Every bloody woman I know is reading this and their reluctance to acknowledge that it's just porn is staggering!

Plus it gives young singletons like myself a very tough time thanks to the delusions it's now giving people. Lessons I've learnt from this book in order to be attractive to women:

Be young, handsome, intellegent, filthy rich, have a freakish obsession with BDSM, and have a huge penis...

1/6 is a start I suppose...
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Nïckslïkk2112 on June 29, 2012, 00:12:18 AM
Haven't read it. Mrs S hasn't read it. Neither of us are likely too.

But what's with using the seppo spelling of Grey Big Boy?
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: JonL on June 29, 2012, 07:33:23 AM
Quote from: Richard_2112 on June 28, 2012, 23:03:31 PM

Be young, handsome, intellegent, filthy rich, have a freakish obsession with BDSM, and have a huge penis...

It can be a burdon I tell you.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: dom on June 29, 2012, 08:48:05 AM
Quote from: JonL on June 29, 2012, 07:33:23 AM
It can be a burdon I tell you.

Eric Burdon ?  ;)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Bez on June 29, 2012, 09:05:05 AM
Quote from: Nick Sims on June 29, 2012, 00:12:18 AM

But what's with using the seppo spelling of Grey Big Boy?

Opps !
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Andy42g on June 29, 2012, 14:24:14 PM
Quote from: Matt2112 on June 28, 2012, 20:03:25 PM
The Indie Chick borrowed it off her mate to take on holiday and ease the tedium while sunbathing over the last week.  Her verdict? 

"Awfully-written shite".

Having read a random few pages here and there, I can say it isn't even that good.

Sounds just like a Dan Brown then. Utter shit and sold by the shed load. Go figure.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: TerrBerr on June 30, 2012, 23:27:29 PM
Not read it, but wondering if I should? Then again I never read The Bridges of Madison County and the hype is similar. Maybe will let it pass by.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Captain Ron on July 01, 2012, 14:58:40 PM
I guess it's this years fashionable book so the herd have to baa along to get their clique points with their mates. Credit to the author though for having a hit in this genre in this day and age when there is so much free erotic writing and p0rn available on the internet.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Beebop on July 06, 2012, 09:41:54 AM
50 shades of Chav.

"As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my, well...our tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight." "It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time." "Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you" "As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same." "My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from farm foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids mega drive and whipped it across my doughy ****. It stung but I liked it. I shouted again, again, so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which was rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Beebop on July 06, 2012, 09:43:14 AM
 Chapter 2.............. I had a week to myself, bliss. The kids were all at their respective dads apart from Shakira whose dad was on remand. Luckily her Grandma was home as this time last year she was in Malia on an 18-30. Dwayne wanted me to be a Dominatrix but I couldn't get the gear as the new security guard at Ann Summers was a right t**t. I had to improvise. I put on my fave black sl*g wellies and wrapped bin bags around my muffin tops. For the mask I pulled my old black period pants over my head. I looked like gothic Vanessa Feltz attempting a bank job. Dwayne looked well chuffed as he had scored some Viagra off his dealer. I climbed on top but the idiot was asleep. He had bought diazepam by mistake. I tried to get him inside me but it was like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube. Finishing myself on the kids buzz light-year wasn't my finest hour but needs must."
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: pdw1 on July 06, 2012, 11:03:12 AM
Brilliant
(Beebop not the book)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: CDT 2112 on July 06, 2012, 16:55:10 PM
I think its a great book and i have never turned a page, but its doin wonders for my sex life  8)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Captain Ron on July 07, 2012, 02:57:24 AM
The title is remarkably in tune with the weather you have to admit.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Tom Garrett on July 07, 2012, 21:56:59 PM
Headline in the book section of an Irish newspaper..
50 shades of gray, more like 50 shades of shite
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Andy42g on July 17, 2012, 15:06:34 PM
Spotted in Sainsburys at the weekend : proper old looking pensioner with all three of he 50 Shades books in his trolley. Top man. :)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Jonners on July 17, 2012, 17:16:28 PM
Purchased a copy for Mrs Jonners for our wedding anniversary on Sunday just passed. 6 years, so sugar was the theme, so got her a pack of Haribo as well, which went down well

The book, however, is being returned.....
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: FLITCH on July 18, 2012, 19:28:01 PM
Quote from: Andy42g on July 17, 2012, 15:06:34 PM
Spotted in Sainsburys at the weekend : proper old looking pensioner with all three of he 50 Shades books in his trolley. Top man. :)
In Tesco on sunday I saw a lady who looked nearer 80 than 70 reading it off the shelf, she was with a man I assume was her husband. She put it back, made me chuckle though. :) 
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Nicola B on July 19, 2012, 11:25:07 AM
Some of my friends have read it and one quote was 'its all about sex, no story whatsoever and badly written'....don't think I can be bothered wasting my time with it. I a bit fussy about what I read as don't read as much as i used to.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Bez on July 23, 2012, 09:47:19 AM
Quote from: Nicola B on July 19, 2012, 11:25:07 AM
Some of my friends have read it and one quote was 'its all about sex, no story whatsoever and badly written'....don't think I can be bothered wasting my time with it. I a bit fussy about what I read as don't read as much as i used to.

Ttoo busy "on the job" Nic ?
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: zoony on July 23, 2012, 11:44:22 AM
We took Alicia to our friends twins 3rd birthday party last week, and one of the other parents sat there in full view of everyone reading this book. A tad inappropriate I thought.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Andy42g on July 23, 2012, 13:18:25 PM
Quote from: zoony on July 23, 2012, 11:44:22 AM
We took Alicia to our friends twins 3rd birthday party last week, and one of the other parents sat there in full view of everyone reading this book. A tad inappropriate I thought.
Indeed. Terrible taste in reading - and all those 3 years olds would be horribly corrupted.  :)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Reg on September 07, 2012, 11:48:33 AM
Am on the 2nd book now - keeping up with my girlfriend.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Tom Garrett on September 08, 2012, 20:40:02 PM
(http://i413.photobucket.com/albums/pp220/galwayrush/50shadesoflego.jpg)
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Andy42g on November 29, 2012, 23:29:42 PM
3 films of this in the offing. 12a certificates I reckon.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Bez on December 01, 2012, 21:00:39 PM
FIFTY SHEDS OF GREY

We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a
wall...
but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
"I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
So I took her to McDonalds.

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then
harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.

Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.

"Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
"Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
"Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

"I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be
punished."
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!"
"Okay," I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
"I think so," I gulped. "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the
receipt.

"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
"Very well," I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

"Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
She nodded.
"Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
"Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently
massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: JonL on December 02, 2012, 12:59:03 PM
The titles of the copycat stuff amuses me, they're in your local supermarket, pick a number and a colour.

My favourite is Eighty Days Yellow. WTF??
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Andy42g on December 31, 2012, 14:13:18 PM
Quote from: JonL on December 02, 2012, 12:59:03 PM
The titles of the copycat stuff amuses me, they're in your local supermarket, pick a number and a colour.

My favourite is Eighty Days Yellow. WTF??
Shag for that long and jaundice is bound to set in.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Andrew_Haldane on December 31, 2012, 14:41:10 PM
Im no literary snob but who the hell is buying/reading this?
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: JonL on January 02, 2013, 19:42:11 PM
Quote from: Bisto on December 31, 2012, 14:41:10 PM
Im no literary snob but who the hell is buying/reading this?
Any woman you walk past in the street.
A lot of it is wanting to know what the fuss is about, then having a giggle. That's what I've come across anyway.
Title: Re: 50 Shades of Gray ?
Post by: Kit on April 27, 2017, 15:13:26 PM
I'd rather read 50 Sheds Of Grey.