For the unaware, there is a slight difference between private schools

>and comprehensives in Britain. The Department of Education has realised

>this and has revised the secondary Maths Exam papers accordingly.

>Attached

>are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.

>

>

> MATHS TEST FOR COMPREHENSIVES

>Gang Name _____________________________

>Nickname__________________________

>

>

>1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for

>300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie for 90 quid, what is the street value of

>the rest of his hold ?

>

>

>2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs

>per day must each bitch perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke

>habit

>?

>

>

>3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid

>to make a 20% profit. How many grams of Strychnine will he need ?

>

>

>4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If

>his common law wife spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be

>left when he gets out ? Extra Credit Bonus : How much more time will

>Trev

>get for killing the slapper that spent his money ?

>

>

>5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the

>average letter is 1 square metre, how many letters can be sprayed with

>eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free ?

>

>

>6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of

>35mph, Jordan loads his brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20

>seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled when he gets

>whacked

>?

>

>

> MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS

>

>Name_____________________________________________________________________

>_________________________________________________________________________

>_________________________________________________________________________

>_________________________________________________________________________

>_________________________________________________________________________

>____ ( if longer please continue on a separate sheet )

>

>School _______________________________________________

>Daddy's / Mummy's Company ____________________________

>

>1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and

>killing 3 people. The old man asks his local Chief Constable to

>intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and

>receives

>a

>payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life

>insurance settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is

>Harry driving now ?

>

>

>2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and

>own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In

>the

>course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and

>Fiona

>doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what ?

>

>

>3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number debutants, but he

>only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14

>Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two thirds ?

>

>

>4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a

>size 8 Versace. If she only throws up 3 times a day for two weeks, she

>has

>to

>make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much does liposuction cost

>?

>

>

>5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies

>women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners.

>However he only has access to the Hoover every third week. When will

>he stand for parliament ?