Corporate Speak Bingo

Started by Matt2112, June 07, 2019, 17:04:00 pm

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Matt2112

Was looking at a month-by-month profit & loss analysis today which someone had labelled a "Time Series".

Technically that may be correct, but, come on, surely only t0ssers call it that.
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Bez

I take great pleasure in "calling" people when they lapse into "corporate speak"

Pointing and laughing tends to work as well...
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Slim

Quote from: Matt2112 on June 12, 2019, 23:08:21 pmWas looking at a month-by-month profit & loss analysis today which someone had labelled a "Time Series".

Technically that may be correct, but, come on, surely only t0ssers call it that.

That's the correct nomenclature for a set of data indexed over time, and what you described is categorically one of those. It's not a trendy buzz phrase or anything like that. Just proper use of language.

I really like the guy I report to at the moment. He's flexible and supportive and 100% knows what he's doing, unless the idiot he replaced. But he's a bit obsessed with ITIL and he uses its language everywhere. For example he won't hand round or email a set of meeting notes, he'll offer "socialise" them. He even uses business language about his personal life; for example he once mentioned that he was having friends come over to stay at his house not in the "Autumn", as you or I might - but in the "3rd quarter".

Matt2112

Quote from: Slim on June 13, 2019, 14:54:16 pmThat's the correct nomenclature for a set of data indexed over time, and what you described is categorically one of those. It's not a trendy buzz phrase or anything like that. Just proper use of language.

Oh, absolutely.  It's just that, in my experience, there's the metaphorical cant of buzz phrases, which most people understand, and then there's legitimate technical terms which nonetheless may strike many as arcane; the net effect is often the same, in that they both sound a bit w@nky. :)
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döm

It's a while since I worked in corporate land but getting asked to "open my kimono" has always stuck in my mind for some reason
You can check out any time you like but you can never leave!

Slim

That's a troubling one.

Richard_2112

In a move of pure business speak bullshit at work we are moving away from our system of customer satisfaction measurement SIM, Service Incentive Mechanism, to C-Mex. We are now no longer measuring our Custoner Service, the new focus is on our Customer Experience.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind. Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Bez

A worrying trend that is become almost ubiquitous is the habit of asking "how some one is?" or "hoping that they're well" at the beginning of an e-mail.

I feel compelled to answer, sometimes in detail....

I had one this morning checking that I'd had a good bank holiday weekend.

I replied: "Good weekend overall, thanks, despite shopping for new sofas and some gardening. I did manage to watch the end of the cricket " as it happened," so not all bad...."

Am I in the minority?  :-\
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Matt2112

Quote from: Bez on August 27, 2019, 10:46:54 amA worrying trend that is become almost ubiquitous is the habit of asking "how some one is?" or "hoping that they're well" at the beginning of an e-mail.

I feel compelled to answer, sometimes in detail....

I had one this morning checking that I'd had a good bank holiday weekend.

I replied: "Good weekend overall, thanks, despite shopping for new sofas and some gardening. I did manage to watch the end of the cricket " as it happened," so not all bad...."

Am I in the minority?  :-\

I think the intention is sound, so I think greetings like that are okay as it sets a more informal and conversational tone from the outset and creates an affinity, whereas without it many emails can come across as unintentionally aloof and impersonal; and aloofness is one of my pet hates.

That said, sometimes I just cannot be arsed with small talk, so there is a balance to be struck..!
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Bez

Quote from: Matt2112 on August 27, 2019, 11:55:23 amI think the intention is sound, so I think greetings like that are okay as it sets a more informal and conversational tone from the outset and creates an affinity, whereas without it many emails can come across as unintentionally aloof and impersonal; and aloofness is one of my pet hates.

That said, sometimes I just cannot be arsed with small talk, so there is a balance to be struck..!
I really object when its some one I don't already know: an intro from a recruiter for example...
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Matt2112

Quote from: Bez on August 27, 2019, 15:07:22 pmI really object when its some one I don't already know: an intro from a recruiter for example...

Oh, with recruiters it's a totally different scenario; they have no noble intentions whatsoever.  They'd flog you their grandma if they could.
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Matt2112

"Thanks for reaching out..."

Reaching out.  Come on, you're not   working for Twitter.

In any case...you contacted me first, I just replied. 🤷🏻‍♂️🙄
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