Corporate Speak Bingo

Started by Matt2112, June 07, 2019, 17:04:00 pm

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Matt2112

Bit of fun; so it often amuses (or exasperates) me when some managerial or exec type unselfconciously uses some cliched phrase of corporate cant because they can't think out of the box::)

Today I had: "Well, that was a quick win!

Come on, let's have some other real-life examples...  :)
The keys to happiness

Slim

I don't really see the problem with "quick win" and use it myself, often! It's used frequently by techies in pursuit of low-hanging fruit.

Matt2112

"Quick win" is one of the more palatable phrases, especially if it's been elicited from someone by yourself, as in my example! :)
The keys to happiness

Richard_2112

I work for Yorkshire Water and the whole company is one great big bundle of corporate speak!

We have to abide by our "customer promise" and "wow" our customers.
Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind. Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines.

Slim

The company I now work for is so full of corporate American bullshit that it does really piss me off, I must admit. For example we have "customer success" managers. We're asked to "run to the fire and partner with others for success".

DavidL

Try working for BT! 
They're always talking about "quick wins"' and reducing "truck rolls". One of their favourite terms recently is increasing the numbers of "players on the park". All complete nonsense.
Meanwhile the share price hovers around 200p! Idiots!
Going forward I may be out of it all in around six years....if I can get all my ducks in a row.

Matt2112

Had a manger once (she was dubbed "Mein Fuhrer" by my mostly female colleagues) who used "touch base" several times a day; it was almost as infuriating as her pronouncing "February" as "Febooary".  

My word, she was a cnut.  ???
The keys to happiness

Slim

Y'know - we had a similar thread on TNMS some time in the noughties and one thing that struck me in that thread, as in this one, is that some of the terms that people object to are actually just useful. What would you use instead of "touch base", for example?

I realise that it's American in origin. It's metaphorical. But language evolves by picking up these little metaphors and they only stick because they make it more efficient. It's full of them.

DavidL

Quote from: Slim on June 08, 2019, 11:13:11 amY'know - we had a similar thread on TNMS some time in the noughties and one thing that struck me in that thread, as in this one, is that some of the terms that people object to are actually just useful. What would you use instead of "touch base", for example?

I realise that it's American in origin. It's metaphorical. But language evolves by picking up these little metaphors and they only stick because they make it more efficient. It's full of them.
"Get together" would suffice...no?

Matt2112

Catch up? Review?

I think "touch base" is still widely considered to be in the category of eye-rolling cant. 

By the way, thanks for the responses, good to see my fellow TNMSers' comments after I'd reached out:D
The keys to happiness

Slim

Quote from: DavidL on June 08, 2019, 11:16:53 am"Get together" would suffice...no?

I don't think it means quite the same thing .. for example you can "touch base" on Skype or by telephone, and "get together" implies a less brief meeting. Actually I suspect that one is probably also American in origin.

Slim

Quote from: Matt2112 on June 08, 2019, 13:16:35 pmCatch up? Review?

I don't think "review" works, and "catch up" is just another example of a figurative term using a metaphor that's entered the language in exactly the same way!

pdw1

I am so glad I no longer work for a giant corporation like GE which was so full of corporate bullshit even without their 360 reviews and stretch goals.
Better drowned than duffers if not duffers wont drown

Slim

Oh here's one - support for one of our customers is being offshored to a technical team in India. Or at least I'd describe it as being offshored myself. According to our management it's being bestshored.

Pricey

as the opposite to corporate speak I recall sitting in a meeting when a leader was making some wild statement about something , when I caught a mates and started stroking my chin , in the old "beards" style ... it then  became a secret staple of meetings.
I'll try and behave . Promise