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June 26, 2019, 03:41:14 am

male rules

Started by cygnusxdave, July 06, 2004, 20:33:34 pm

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cygnusxdave

We are forever hearing about "the rules" from the female side . Now, may I present the rules from our side.

Please note; these are all numbered "1" on purpose.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = football on TV. It's like the changing of the tides or the full moon. Accept it. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no,  we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work! Hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just tell us!
1. Yes and no are acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girl's, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, one of which makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men only see 16 colours, like Windows Default Settings. Peach is a fruit, not a colour. Avocado is a fruit, not a colour. WE have n idea whatsoever what a mauve is!
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go anywhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared for a discussion on Euro 2004, the forthcoming test series or that bird that does the weather on Channel 5.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know I have to sleep on the sofa tonight but men don't mind that really. It's like camping.

Please feel free to forward these to your respective partners, but I take no responsibilty for the circumstances.  
I talk to planets, Baby!

Chris Quartly

July 06, 2004, 21:35:13 pm #1 Last Edit: July 06, 2004, 21:35:37 pm by Chris_Quartly
Quote1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this: Subtle hints do not work! Hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just tell us!

These ones are especially true
Last.fm playlist of previous 7 days:


Q's Comps

Some Other Suckers Parade

Captain Beardy

 :) Well typed CygnusxDave,... ;D
you can be in my gang anytime  ;)
OPUS TIDE's debut album 'OPEN THE GATES' available soon,... BUY - IT ,.. It's the LAW !

www.myspace.com/opustide  <img src="photo.png" alt="<a href=" title="<a href=" title="&

Isobel

Having women problems by any chance?!

maria

No just having problems I think!  :P

Captain Beardy

QuoteHaving women problems by any chance?!

 ??? Errrr....are you refering to me Isobel  ???
OPUS TIDE's debut album 'OPEN THE GATES' available soon,... BUY - IT ,.. It's the LAW !

www.myspace.com/opustide  <img src="photo.png" alt="<a href=" title="<a href=" title="&

Captain Beardy

QuoteNo just having problems I think!
OPUS TIDE's debut album 'OPEN THE GATES' available soon,... BUY - IT ,.. It's the LAW !

www.myspace.com/opustide  <img src="photo.png" alt="<a href=" title="<a href=" title="&

cygnusxdave

Methinks they're just anti-male statements, Cap'n.  ;D

You know what they say?!
"Women, Can't live with 'em, can't grind their bones to make soup!"  ;D ;D ;D


Just kidding, ladies. (he says running for cover)
I talk to planets, Baby!

Captain Beardy

 :( Hey don't go Dave, or I'll be out numbered,... :P
OPUS TIDE's debut album 'OPEN THE GATES' available soon,... BUY - IT ,.. It's the LAW !

www.myspace.com/opustide  <img src="photo.png" alt="<a href=" title="<a href=" title="&