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Signals => General Chat - English => Topic started by: Matt2112 on June 07, 2019, 17:04:00 pm

Title: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on June 07, 2019, 17:04:00 pm
Bit of fun; so it often amuses (or exasperates) me when some managerial or exec type unselfconciously uses some cliched phrase of corporate cant because they can't think out of the box.  ::)

Today I had: "Well, that was a quick win!

Come on, let's have some other real-life examples...  :)
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 07, 2019, 20:07:45 pm
I don't really see the problem with "quick win" and use it myself, often! It's used frequently by techies in pursuit of low-hanging fruit.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on June 07, 2019, 23:48:02 pm
"Quick win" is one of the more palatable phrases, especially if it's been elicited from someone by yourself, as in my example! :)
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Richard_2112 on June 07, 2019, 23:51:40 pm
I work for Yorkshire Water and the whole company is one great big bundle of corporate speak!

We have to abide by our "customer promise" and "wow" our customers.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 08, 2019, 00:06:59 am
The company I now work for is so full of corporate American bullshit that it does really piss me off, I must admit. For example we have "customer success" managers. We're asked to "run to the fire and partner with others for success".
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: DavidL on June 08, 2019, 10:43:38 am
Try working for BT! 
They're always talking about "quick wins"' and reducing "truck rolls". One of their favourite terms recently is increasing the numbers of "players on the park". All complete nonsense.
Meanwhile the share price hovers around 200p! Idiots!
Going forward I may be out of it all in around six years....if I can get all my ducks in a row.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on June 08, 2019, 10:52:02 am
Had a manger once (she was dubbed "Mein Fuhrer" by my mostly female colleagues) who used "touch base" several times a day; it was almost as infuriating as her pronouncing "February" as "Febooary".  

My word, she was a cnut.  ???
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 08, 2019, 11:13:11 am
Y'know - we had a similar thread on TNMS some time in the noughties and one thing that struck me in that thread, as in this one, is that some of the terms that people object to are actually just useful. What would you use instead of "touch base", for example?

I realise that it's American in origin. It's metaphorical. But language evolves by picking up these little metaphors and they only stick because they make it more efficient. It's full of them.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: DavidL on June 08, 2019, 11:16:53 am
Quote from: Slim on June 08, 2019, 11:13:11 amY'know - we had a similar thread on TNMS some time in the noughties and one thing that struck me in that thread, as in this one, is that some of the terms that people object to are actually just useful. What would you use instead of "touch base", for example?

I realise that it's American in origin. It's metaphorical. But language evolves by picking up these little metaphors and they only stick because they make it more efficient. It's full of them.
"Get together" would suffice...no?
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on June 08, 2019, 13:16:35 pm
Catch up? Review?

I think "touch base" is still widely considered to be in the category of eye-rolling cant. 

By the way, thanks for the responses, good to see my fellow TNMSers' comments after I'd reached out.  :D
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 08, 2019, 14:14:34 pm
Quote from: DavidL on June 08, 2019, 11:16:53 am"Get together" would suffice...no?

I don't think it means quite the same thing .. for example you can "touch base" on Skype or by telephone, and "get together" implies a less brief meeting. Actually I suspect that one is probably also American in origin.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 08, 2019, 14:15:48 pm
Quote from: Matt2112 on June 08, 2019, 13:16:35 pmCatch up? Review?

I don't think "review" works, and "catch up" is just another example of a figurative term using a metaphor that's entered the language in exactly the same way!
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: pdw1 on June 08, 2019, 17:41:00 pm
I am so glad I no longer work for a giant corporation like GE which was so full of corporate bullshit even without their 360 reviews and stretch goals.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 08, 2019, 18:15:21 pm
Oh here's one - support for one of our customers is being offshored to a technical team in India. Or at least I'd describe it as being offshored myself. According to our management it's being bestshored.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Pricey on June 12, 2019, 12:22:11 pm
as the opposite to corporate speak I recall sitting in a meeting when a leader was making some wild statement about something , when I caught a mates and started stroking my chin , in the old "beards" style ... it then  became a secret staple of meetings.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on June 12, 2019, 23:08:21 pm
Was looking at a month-by-month profit & loss analysis today which someone had labelled a "Time Series".

Technically that may be correct, but, come on, surely only t0ssers call it that.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Bez on June 13, 2019, 13:13:29 pm
I take great pleasure in "calling" people when they lapse into "corporate speak"

Pointing and laughing tends to work as well...
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 13, 2019, 14:54:16 pm
Quote from: Matt2112 on June 12, 2019, 23:08:21 pmWas looking at a month-by-month profit & loss analysis today which someone had labelled a "Time Series".

Technically that may be correct, but, come on, surely only t0ssers call it that.

That's the correct nomenclature for a set of data indexed over time, and what you described is categorically one of those. It's not a trendy buzz phrase or anything like that. Just proper use of language.

I really like the guy I report to at the moment. He's flexible and supportive and 100% knows what he's doing, unless the idiot he replaced. But he's a bit obsessed with ITIL and he uses its language everywhere. For example he won't hand round or email a set of meeting notes, he'll offer "socialise" them. He even uses business language about his personal life; for example he once mentioned that he was having friends come over to stay at his house not in the "Autumn", as you or I might - but in the "3rd quarter".
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on June 13, 2019, 15:59:40 pm
Quote from: Slim on June 13, 2019, 14:54:16 pmThat's the correct nomenclature for a set of data indexed over time, and what you described is categorically one of those. It's not a trendy buzz phrase or anything like that. Just proper use of language.

Oh, absolutely.  It's just that, in my experience, there's the metaphorical cant of buzz phrases, which most people understand, and then there's legitimate technical terms which nonetheless may strike many as arcane; the net effect is often the same, in that they both sound a bit w@nky. :)
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: döm on June 13, 2019, 17:21:46 pm
It's a while since I worked in corporate land but getting asked to "open my kimono" has always stuck in my mind for some reason
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Slim on June 14, 2019, 12:12:58 pm
That's a troubling one.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Richard_2112 on July 24, 2019, 20:56:22 pm
In a move of pure business speak bullshit at work we are moving away from our system of customer satisfaction measurement SIM, Service Incentive Mechanism, to C-Mex. We are now no longer measuring our Custoner Service, the new focus is on our Customer Experience.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Bez on August 27, 2019, 10:46:54 am
A worrying trend that is become almost ubiquitous is the habit of asking "how some one is?" or "hoping that they're well" at the beginning of an e-mail.

I feel compelled to answer, sometimes in detail....

I had one this morning checking that I'd had a good bank holiday weekend.

I replied: "Good weekend overall, thanks, despite shopping for new sofas and some gardening. I did manage to watch the end of the cricket " as it happened," so not all bad...."

Am I in the minority?  :-\
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on August 27, 2019, 11:55:23 am
Quote from: Bez on August 27, 2019, 10:46:54 amA worrying trend that is become almost ubiquitous is the habit of asking "how some one is?" or "hoping that they're well" at the beginning of an e-mail.

I feel compelled to answer, sometimes in detail....

I had one this morning checking that I'd had a good bank holiday weekend.

I replied: "Good weekend overall, thanks, despite shopping for new sofas and some gardening. I did manage to watch the end of the cricket " as it happened," so not all bad...."

Am I in the minority?  :-\

I think the intention is sound, so I think greetings like that are okay as it sets a more informal and conversational tone from the outset and creates an affinity, whereas without it many emails can come across as unintentionally aloof and impersonal; and aloofness is one of my pet hates.

That said, sometimes I just cannot be arsed with small talk, so there is a balance to be struck..!
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Bez on August 27, 2019, 15:07:22 pm
Quote from: Matt2112 on August 27, 2019, 11:55:23 amI think the intention is sound, so I think greetings like that are okay as it sets a more informal and conversational tone from the outset and creates an affinity, whereas without it many emails can come across as unintentionally aloof and impersonal; and aloofness is one of my pet hates.

That said, sometimes I just cannot be arsed with small talk, so there is a balance to be struck..!
I really object when its some one I don't already know: an intro from a recruiter for example...
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on August 27, 2019, 17:25:30 pm
Quote from: Bez on August 27, 2019, 15:07:22 pmI really object when its some one I don't already know: an intro from a recruiter for example...

Oh, with recruiters it's a totally different scenario; they have no noble intentions whatsoever.  They'd flog you their grandma if they could.
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on September 21, 2019, 01:15:57 am
"Thanks for reaching out..."

Reaching out.  Come on, you're not   working for Twitter.

In any case...you contacted me first, I just replied. 🤷🏻‍♂️🙄
Title: Re: Corporate Speak Bingo
Post by: Matt2112 on November 12, 2019, 19:58:09 pm
My new employers are owned by a large American company. Was in on a conference call where one of our transatlantic friends used the phrase "I'm drinking from the firehose".

Thank goodness they couldn't see us stifling laughter. :)